A Rant About Television’s Difficulty in Representing Committed Relationships

Two things collided over the past week for me as a loyal television viewer and I want to get them off my chest. I give fair warning that this is going to be a bit of a rant. There’s almost no aca here and a hell of a lot of fan.

The first is that after watching House M.D. with some great pleasure for seven seasons, I am more and more facing the grim reality that it has more or less jumped the shark this season thanks to its frustrating and ill-conceived representation of the on-again, off-again love affair between House and Cuddy.

The second is that I have been more or less inhaling Castle for the past month or so, watching several episodes a night in true “can’t eat just one” spirit, having somehow failed to discover it until its third season, and much of what has fueled my passion for this series has been its sophisticated handling of the relationships (all of them in their varied forms and contexts) between the central characters. If you also have not discovered Castle, here’s a first season preview which does a good job of spilling out the basic premise.

The contrast between the two series came to a head for me when I read the profile of Castle star Nathan Fillion in the March 25 issue of Entertainment Weekly, a cover story which correctly declared Fillion “Geek God,” and which included a side bar asking Castle‘s two leads whether they think Castle and Beckett should “date or wait.” The responses broke down rather predictably along gender lines, with Stana Katic, who plays Beckett, rooting for the two characters to “take it to the next level” and Nathan Fillion worrying that doing so will take much of the passion and tension out of the series. Here’s what they each had to say:

Katic: “I might be naively romantic, but I believe that a relationship can be just as spicy when people get together as it was in the chase. The complications that happen when characters like Beckett and Castle get together can make for interesting viewing. They have ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends, he has a certain kind of lifestyle and she has a certain kind of lifestyle — and then on top of that, they actually really care for each other. It would be neat to see how these two people attract each other and drive each other crazy. I’d love to see what happens when Beckett actually touches on a couple of his pet peeves. It would be fun to see her torture him a little bit, you know, in a fun way.”

Fillion: “When you get people together, [viewers] stop with the yearning, they stop with the wanting. They go, ‘Ah, finally. They’re together. All right, what else is on?’ I know as an audience member, I enjoy knowing more than the characters I watch on TV know. [With our show it’s] looking at these two, saying ‘just turn around! She’s making the face right now! She’s making the face! You’ll see it! Ah, you missed it.’ The lack of resolution is what keeps people coming back. I think the challenge is how do you serve that so it’s not repetitive.”

And yes, I know what Fillion’s worried about — he’s worried about seeing something like what has happened to House this season. But the problem with House is not that House and Cuddy are in a relationship. The problem is that the writers do not have a clue how to depict a relationship between House and Cuddy in a way which shows any kind of emotional maturity, any kind of psychological depth, and any kind of personal growth.

I often suspect that Hollywood’s inability to depict relationships that grow over time has everything to do with the divorce rate in the entertainment capital, very little to do with the constraints of the medium (given how well television depicts the unfolding of interpersonal relationships over time) and even less to do with the desire of fans. (One of the things to pay attention to is how many of the “commitment” episodes for television series are written by a small handful of writers who have consistently ruined every couple they touched.)

From my experience, fandom is all about the relationships between characters, and fans are capable of pulling out insights into those relationships from the most subtle touch, the most nuanced reaction shots, and stitch them together through their stories and videos into stories which show how relationships can grow and unfold over time. Here, for example, a fan re-edits footage from the series to imagine a different kind of relationship between the protagonists.

I’ve been married for more than thirty years to the same woman (well, actually, neither of us remains the same person from one moment to the next and that’s part of what makes marriage such a grand adventure.) My wife remains my best friend, my playmate, my mentor and confident, my sharpest critic and my biggest fan, and living together keeps me constantly on my toes.

This is the kind of relationship which we rarely see on television, again because contemporary writers seem incapable of writing such relationships — could it be because they are twenty-somethings still recovering from their first major breakup? If I go back to older Hollywood movies, I can see the kinds of relationships I am looking for — all you have to do is watch any movie which couples Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracey or even better, my personal favorite pairing, William Powell and Myrna Loy. Watch how their relationship grows across the full run of The Thin Man series, even, though, gasp, they are together from their very first scenes. There’s nothing dull, predictable, passionless, or static about their interactions. It doesn’t fall back on House‘s cynical assumption that people are ultimately incapable of change and thus doomed to disappoint each other.

Part of what gives me confidence that Castle is not going to fall into the traps that House has is that the series itself has shown a close attention to the nuances of character interaction from its first season forward. Certainly, Castle and Beckett have grown closer to each other episode by episode and the writers have been imaginative at finding new ways to deepen their bonds with each other. They clearly are two people who have fun together, which for me is the number one requirement for a meaningful and committed relationship, and they are people who respect each other’s intelligence and creativity. The series loves to show them pitching ideas back and forth, often completing each other’s intelligence, and they take delight in showing the two very adult characters nevertheless playing with each other, teasing each other with hints of secrets not yet disclosed.

But it isn’t just the intense chemistry between the two performers — and the obvious passion between the two characters which everyone but they seem prepared to acknowledge — that gives me faith for the future of the relationship. It is also that the series does a great job of depicting other kinds of relationships — friendships and partnerships such as the one between Ryan and Esposito, mentorships such as the one between Captain Montgomery and Beckett, the father-daughter relationship between Castle and Alexis, the mother-son relationship between Castle and Martha, and even the complexities of relationships which unfold in a single relationships. They recently sprang on us a romance between Esposito and Parish that retrospectively seemed to have been hiding in plain sight all along. There’s a powerful sense here that relationships do not just involve the partners but also extend across a larger social network which has a stake in each member’s happiness.

And in each of these relationships, at each stage of development, there are hints that the characters involved are more than the sum of their relationships. They are still capable of surprising each other, they have both a history and a future together. This is what keeps me as a fan watching a series long past the point where the genre formulas shaping the stories have become predictable. So, why should the writers or cast worry about their ability to keep the relationship interesting once they move beyond the first blushes of courtship, given that the relationship so far has been so much deeper than teasing the audience about will they or want they?

Given the range and complexity of these relationships, there are surely many different dimensions of the life between Castle and Beckett the writers can pull out, many different things they can learn from and about each other, and many ways that their relationship can be implicated in the mysteries they solve. Of all of the shows currently on television, I think Castle has the best potential to show me the kind of committed couple that I long to see, and I am not alone as the broad range of fan videos and fan stories about these characters suggest.

There’s something else which gives me hope that Castle might achieve this kind of representation of dating and married life – the other great couple currently on genre television, Elizabeth and Peter Burke on White Collar, another series currently on my Tivo, although alas, due to USA Network’s short seasons, there’s a painfully long wait before I’ll see any new episodes. White Collar is another fannish show which lives and dies on the basis of character entanglements, entanglements which again go well beyond romance.

Here’s a segment from a recent Paley Center event where a woman of the audience asks the program stars and producers about the intense bonds between the series male protagonists, Neal and Peter, and gets some interesting insights in return.

And there’s another whole thesis to be written about Neal’s other great friendships with his long-time partner, Mozzie, and with his sophisticated landlady, June, played by the great Diane Carroll. And I’ve been enjoying watching the sexy partnerships between Neal and his sometimes paramours, Alex and Sara. But above all, what I love about White Collar is its depictions of the domestic life between Peter and Elizabeth. Elizabeth (Tiffani Thiessen) doesn’t get a lot of screen time: she may only be in a scene or two per episode, and due to the actress’s maternity leave, she missed out a good chunk of the first half of the season, but when they are together, there is a playfulness and mutual respect which from where I sit show the signs of a happily married couple.

They know each other well. They call each other out on their nonsense. But there’s no question that they would do anything for each other. Elizabeth is smart and she’s intelligent, not always the same thing; she’s got her own thoughts and her own life; she’s not a simple appendage of her husband. And it is precisely because their relationship is complex and unpredictable and constantly evolving that it becomes a catalyst shaping the interactions with the other characters. Witness the Paley Center audience member’s acknowledgment that part of what strengthens the friendship between Neal and Peter is that Peter is seeking Neal’s advice on how to be a better husband.

Here’s a fan video which does a great job in conveying some of what I value about White Collar’s depiction of their marriage, again by cobbling together little bits that show a much bigger picture.

So, let me turn the floor over to my readers now. What do you see as the best representations of committed relationships on American television? Which couples demonstrate the capacity for trust and growth which has been sadly lacking on this season’s House? What advice would you give to the showrunners at Castle about how they might intensify the relationship between Castle and Beckett without lowering the tension or diminishing audience engagement?

I know the comments function on this blog is more or less broken due to the intense spam protection I’ve had to put on here. So, if you don’t want to fight with the submission process, send me e-mail directly at hjenkins@usc.edu and I will make sure it goes up on this site. But, tell me, what would you most like to teach the show runner of your choice about the care and feeding of actual human characters involved in committed relationships?


  1. joymarcus says:

    Modern Family has done an excellent job. It manages to be hilarious (most of the time) and also shows loving, committed relationships. Also, I loved Chuck in the first two seasons, and although it lost its campy edgyness, I don’t think it was due entirely to Chuck and Sarah’s engagement. I keep watching out of habit and see a gleam of its former funky fun every now and then, ever hopeful.

  2. I think Friday Night Lights has, hand down, the best depiction of a married couple in modern TV. Coach and Mrs Taylor love each other, support each other, fight, snark, and are generally everything I want to see out of a committed relationship.

  3. tornadox.wordpress.com says:

    The Castle folks should watch the “New Car Smell” episode of “Ed.” It transitioned Ed and Carol from the will-they-won’t-they couple to committed couple by fast-forwarding through their first month together. By the end of the episode, the couple were on solid footing and wouldn’t be broken up by a fight/old lover returns with baby/sudden death/new job/other soapy situation. OK, so the produces did throw in a couple of those situations later on in the season, but Ed and Carol handled the problems together.

    (Oh! Julie Bowen was in Ed, now in Modern Family)

  4. I absolutely agree that the trouble with committed relationships on television is the writing. Often relationships are depicted as having ridiculous problems and having silly speed bumps thrown in the path.

    The House/Cuddy relationship was a disaster – their relationship previous to getting together was complex, antagonistic and interesting, and suddenly all of that was gone.

    I am an avid Castle fan and believe that the relationships are the show’s strongest point. As much as I enjoy the case-of-the week stories they are more often than not in the background of the relationship and character building stuff.

    My favourite onscreen adult relationship has to be the Taylors on Friday Night Lights, Matt and Julie are also a great realistic depiction of a stable teen relationship with its own set of bumps and hiccups.

    I also have to agree with the previous commenters who gave Modern Family as an example. The fact that all the couples are in stable relationships is not something that has to be forwardly addressed by the show but simply is – is so telling about their treatment of the couples.

  5. ladysugarquill.wordpress.com says:

    The first thing I thought of when I read “commited relationship” and “Nathan Fillon” was Wash and Zoe in Firefly. I think they are (or were) a great example of a happily married couple on TV.

    But also their relationship was just a part of who they were, and the story was not centred around it. Maybe that’s the best way to make it work, not putting the whole weight of the show’s plot on the characters’ relationship.

  6. DeCoderGirl says:

    I think a large part of the success of Castle’s depiction of a growing relationship is that it is written by the husband and wife team of Andrew Marlow and Terri Miller. It’s refreshing to watch a smart, adult relationship on TV.

  7. The first thing I thought of when I read “commited relationship” and “Nathan Fillon” was Wash and Zoe in Firefly. I think they are (or were) a great example of a happily married couple on TV. its great I think… # http://www.teknolines.co.cc

  8. I’m going to agree with the other commenters that mentioned Eric and Tami of Friday Night Lights. They really do have the most mature, interesting, amazing relationship on tv right now (at least for another couple of months).

    I’d also mention Parks & Rec because despite the insanity they try to keep the relationships between all of the characters realistic. It impressed me in an interview with Alan Sepinwall that Amy Poehler said, “But what I do like about the show is that they are adults and they’re having sex. People are actually having sex. And it’s not the kind of show where you take 5 seasons to have sex with someone. You do what you usually do in real life, which is you take like 5 dinners.” Which just makes so much more sense to me than trying to draw things out for years of will-they-won’t-they until there’s nothing interesting about that storyline either.

    I think characters not getting together can ultimately be just as much of a turn off because you get frustrated with the constant need to invent barely plausible reasons to keep characters apart. I’ve almost given up on Bones because I’m sick of the Bones/Booth relationship seemingly taking over every episode (I watch it more for the supporting characters and always have). It’s something that should have been resolved at least a season ago, if not earlier.

  9. Wow, GREAT article. You have totally read my mind and expressed it in a way that I’m not sure I could have. I am a HUGE Castle fan. Like you, I was a little late in discovering it (second half of last season), and had to get DVDs and play catch up over the Summer.

    I am amazed at how wonderfully developed the Castle/Beckett relationship. It may be the best I have ever seen on TV (for all the reasons you mentioned). And I’ve been a fan of a lot of TV couples. But what I have discovered is, almost every time, the writers don’t know what to do with it so they ruin it. Fans rarely get to see couples together, or married for any length of time (if at all). They will wait till the series Finale to get them together. Then what? We miss out on all the good stuff.

    I am hopeful and excited that this will not be what they do with Castle/Beckett. I want so much to see them get together, get married, fight, grow, baby maybe? I know it could be FABULOUS, intelligent, and hilarious. Especially with these writers. And since the people in charge are married to each other – they have to see the possibilities.

    I don’t really understand Nathan’s point of view. It just can’t continue on like it is forever, with bad timing, and wishful looks. Castle is head over heels in love with her, the fans don’t want to watch him suffer! Fans will tire of that quickly (this fan is getting there already :). I want them together. Soon. And with the depth of the characters they have created (supporting cast included), I have no doubt it will be GREAT! This is by far the best show on TV, and up there with one of the best shows I have ever watched (and I’m not usually a fan of cop/murder shows). I’m not sure I have ever rooted for a couple more. And that is a credit to the writers, and the unbelievable chemistry between Stana & Nathan. Please, powers that be, don’t waste it! It’s rare!

  10. I agree with joymarcus: Modern Family. The three relationships it depicts are very different, but they each demonstrate a level of commitment rarely seen on tv these days.

  11. Cristina Guzmán says:


    Well here in México, we had another impact in that kind of relationship. Because in México we still believe that the women had to depend of the men for everything. The man always has to have the last word, and for most of the men one of the most horrible things that a women can do in a relationship, it’s been smarter than him. And this entire situation it’s reflected in the soap opera, when a woman she as a husband and she also has kids, but she doesn’t have a career. But if she has a successful career she is bitter and everyone fears her. We also have a phrase “all Mexican women are submissive and obedient”. So it’s difficult to find a relationship where are both equally and respectfully with each other, as we see in Castle. Another relationship that I really like was Robert and Kitty from “Brothers and Sisters”.

    And I know it’s a cultural thing. But I guess it would be interesting knowing how much that vision of what a relationship should be also affects others cultures and relationships. Because I know a lot of women that would love to have a relationship that you describe.

  12. I love this post. I want all the things from a committed relationship on TV that you want, and it frustrates me to no end that most writers are either afraid to try or incapable of writing that kind of relationship.

    It’s uncharitable of me, but whenever I hear writers saying that couples become uninteresting once they’ve gotten together, I wonder whether they’ve ever had a successful adult relationship. I also think DeCoderGirl is absolutely right that Marlowe and Miller being a married couple makes a huge difference.

    From interviews, it seems that Marlowe is absolutely committed to letting Beckett and Castle get together and explore all the interesting things that come next. Unfortunately, the network suits are nervous about that, so I’m not sure when it will be allowed to happen.

  13. Oh, I should also mention that Marlowe specifically (though not by name) said that he was NOT going to go the route that Bones went. He said he understands that the audience gets bored and feels jerked around when the writers keep coming up with contrived ways to keep characters apart for seven seasons.

  14. House M.D – love affair between House and Cuddy

    Castle – sophisticated handling of the relationships

    well in deatil. It is good one for TV viewer like me. Thanks.

  15. PornoPixel is Seo Friendly and to improve backlinks, for sites that have purchased the pixels, their links are appears on the popular Social Network, Blog and Service. (with a single purchase) Start Advertising

  16. polsblog.wordpress.com says:

    And this, Dr. J., is why I was just discussing your research and interests with a colleague.

    Well put. Have forwarded a link of this to Andrew Marlowe.



  17. jouissance says:

    Definitely the Taylors on FNL: that was one of the pretty rare TV portrayals of a marriage that did not depend on “big drama!” plot points to make an effective dramatic narration.

    On the lighter side, I always enjoyed Lilly and Marshall on How I Met Your Mother, even though their respective characters are sometimes bordering on caricatures.

    More recently, the “grandparents” on Raising Hope are hilarious, in a rare combination of realistic/cynical humor and incredible warmth (like the series itself!).

  18. You have a great vision. I do not agree ccnp voice 642-437 with all you stated, but your thoughts are definitely interesting and worth reading ccnp security 642-627 keep up doing good job. I truly appreciate your way of presenting such an excellent suggestion. I want more linux+ LX0-101 and i will come back here to see more updates in future mcitp 70-663 as well.my best wishes for you always so keep it up.regards

    Excellent post – very interesting research mcse 70-294 I will look more into this! keep it up. I found very good and ccnp voice 642-447 informative blog and have bookmarked your site for future reference. I really appreciate your way ccnp security 642-647 of presenting such an excellent suggestion. I want more and i will come back here to see more updates in future test king as well.my best wishes for you always so keep it up.regards

  19. beas1582 says:
  20. I watched the originals, and still enjoy watching reruns of Hart to Hart and MacMillan and Wife. They are different from Castle in that they began with the stars as married couples, but they definitely show that having married couples working together to solve crimes can work.

  21. Contemporary Art says:

    I admire the valuable information you offer in your articles. I will bookmark your blog and have my children check up here often. I am quite sure they will learn lots of new stuff here than anybody else!Contemporary Art

  22. Hi! I've been following your blog for some time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Kingwood Tx! Just wanted to mention keep up the great job. panasonic phone systems